Tuesday, September 10, 2013

The Dark Days

On those days where everything is wrong and nothing is right. When you don't want to do anything, and you lash out at everyone.

Depression Days...

A day when your bored out of you mind, but don't want to do a thing. A day when you miss everyone you love and none of their words make you feel any better. A day when you wish time would go back to the happy days, but time feels as if it has stopped.

My Depression Days...

Yes, since the day we moved and I watched my friends drive away. To Sunday when I knew I wouldn't be going to the Church I had gone to for the last five years. Either thing can put me in to a sate of depression and sadness. My mom thinks I'm silly to be this sad, but when all you want to do is talk to your BFF and she wont pick up the phone, what do you do then? Shout for joy? And when you finally get a hold of her and she says she has to go after a three minute conversation, what else can you do but cry?

When you turned to another friend for comphort  and she doesn't answer your e-mail? On the nights when it is to late to call anyone just to say Hi? All you can do is cry.

And after my BFF hung up on me, and my other friend neglected to read my other e-mails, when I missed church, and I looked at the clock and saw it was 7:32PM what else is there to do but cry?

On a occasional days when the right mix of wrong things happen I become, lonely, depressed, teary, tired, sad and snappy. (probably not very pleasant for my mom)

I dont  think that it helps much though that I haven't been very close to God lately, no reason in particular. I just haven't been reading my bible very much. But know I am starting to realize, how much I need God in order to make it through any trial or change.

Romans 12:12

Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer.

James 1:12

Blessed is the man who remains steadfast under trial, for when he has stood the test he will receive the crown of life, which God has promised to those who love him.

But the black whole of depression that I occasionally occupy when I am feeling particularly miserable, is mostly tears and not looking for what could help my anguish. But now I can feel the Lord speaking to me. I can feel him helping me along, step by step, and knowing that I feel a lot better.


Monday, September 9, 2013

Move Girl Move!

Six months ago I never would have dreamed I would be sitting on a porch in Gore VA. Miles away from every one I knew and loved writing on my laptop. And even as I sit here writing this blog post  it still didn't  seem real. The new house, the long driveway, the mountains that stretch in to the distance. Is it real? Yes...yes it is.

Peace and quite of the country have never been something I was  acustome to too, the sirens and sounds of cars passing had been the sounds of nature to me when I lived in the city. But now it is quite, and with the quitness comes a certain sence of lonleyness.

Every now and then I will break out in tears, overwhelmed by stress or sadness I'm not sure witch. Maybe it was the fact that I knew my BFF didn't live fifteen minutes away from me anymore. Or mabey it was the Fact that I don't have friend in the entire sate of VA! Or maybe it was the fact that I HATE change.

The only thing that has kept me going is the thought that God put me here for a reason. Whatever that reason may be I do not know, and I'm sure God will show me in his own time.

But trusting that God had me move here for the better has taken a lot of faith. I have lived in the same state, same city, same house for over nine years! The majority of my life. I knew it would hurt to pull up those roots I just didn't know it was going to hurt this much.

But this has only been the first month....with the help of God,my mom, my dad, my friends and Family I know things will get better...this is my hope....and this my prayer.