Tuesday, September 10, 2013

The Dark Days

On those days where everything is wrong and nothing is right. When you don't want to do anything, and you lash out at everyone.

Depression Days...

A day when your bored out of you mind, but don't want to do a thing. A day when you miss everyone you love and none of their words make you feel any better. A day when you wish time would go back to the happy days, but time feels as if it has stopped.

My Depression Days...

Yes, since the day we moved and I watched my friends drive away. To Sunday when I knew I wouldn't be going to the Church I had gone to for the last five years. Either thing can put me in to a sate of depression and sadness. My mom thinks I'm silly to be this sad, but when all you want to do is talk to your BFF and she wont pick up the phone, what do you do then? Shout for joy? And when you finally get a hold of her and she says she has to go after a three minute conversation, what else can you do but cry?

When you turned to another friend for comphort  and she doesn't answer your e-mail? On the nights when it is to late to call anyone just to say Hi? All you can do is cry.

And after my BFF hung up on me, and my other friend neglected to read my other e-mails, when I missed church, and I looked at the clock and saw it was 7:32PM what else is there to do but cry?

On a occasional days when the right mix of wrong things happen I become, lonely, depressed, teary, tired, sad and snappy. (probably not very pleasant for my mom)

I dont  think that it helps much though that I haven't been very close to God lately, no reason in particular. I just haven't been reading my bible very much. But know I am starting to realize, how much I need God in order to make it through any trial or change.

Romans 12:12

Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer.

James 1:12

Blessed is the man who remains steadfast under trial, for when he has stood the test he will receive the crown of life, which God has promised to those who love him.

But the black whole of depression that I occasionally occupy when I am feeling particularly miserable, is mostly tears and not looking for what could help my anguish. But now I can feel the Lord speaking to me. I can feel him helping me along, step by step, and knowing that I feel a lot better.


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