The Dark Days

On those days where everything is wrong and nothing is right. When you don't want to do anything, and you lash out at everyone.

Depression Days...

A day when your bored out of you mind, but don't want to do a thing. A day when you miss everyone you love and none of their words make you feel any better. A day when you wish time would go back to the happy days, but time feels as if it has stopped.

My Depression Days...

Yes, since the day we moved and I watched my friends drive away. To Sunday when I knew I wouldn't be going to the Church I had gone to for the last five years. Either thing can put me in to a sate of depression and sadness. My mom thinks I'm silly to be this sad, but when all you want to do is talk to your BFF and she wont pick up the phone, what do you do then? Shout for joy? And when you finally get a hold of her and she says she has to go after a three minute conversation, what else can you do but cry?

When you turned to another friend for comphort  and she doesn't answer your e-mail? On the nights when it is to late to call anyone just to say Hi? All you can do is cry.

And after my BFF hung up on me, and my other friend neglected to read my other e-mails, when I missed church, and I looked at the clock and saw it was 7:32PM what else is there to do but cry?

On a occasional days when the right mix of wrong things happen I become, lonely, depressed, teary, tired, sad and snappy. (probably not very pleasant for my mom)

I dont  think that it helps much though that I haven't been very close to God lately, no reason in particular. I just haven't been reading my bible very much. But know I am starting to realize, how much I need God in order to make it through any trial or change.

Romans 12:12

Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer.

James 1:12

Blessed is the man who remains steadfast under trial, for when he has stood the test he will receive the crown of life, which God has promised to those who love him.

But the black whole of depression that I occasionally occupy when I am feeling particularly miserable, is mostly tears and not looking for what could help my anguish. But now I can feel the Lord speaking to me. I can feel him helping me along, step by step, and knowing that I feel a lot better.


Victoria

Move Girl Move!

Six months ago I never would have dreamed I would be sitting on a porch in Gore VA. Miles away from every one I knew and loved writing on my laptop. And even as I sit here writing this blog post  it still didn't  seem real. The new house, the long driveway, the mountains that stretch in to the distance. Is it real? Yes...yes it is.

Peace and quite of the country have never been something I was  acustome to too, the sirens and sounds of cars passing had been the sounds of nature to me when I lived in the city. But now it is quite, and with the quitness comes a certain sence of lonleyness.

Every now and then I will break out in tears, overwhelmed by stress or sadness I'm not sure witch. Maybe it was the fact that I knew my BFF didn't live fifteen minutes away from me anymore. Or mabey it was the Fact that I don't have friend in the entire sate of VA! Or maybe it was the fact that I HATE change.

The only thing that has kept me going is the thought that God put me here for a reason. Whatever that reason may be I do not know, and I'm sure God will show me in his own time.

But trusting that God had me move here for the better has taken a lot of faith. I have lived in the same state, same city, same house for over nine years! The majority of my life. I knew it would hurt to pull up those roots I just didn't know it was going to hurt this much.

But this has only been the first month....with the help of God,my mom, my dad, my friends and Family I know things will get better...this is my hope....and this my prayer.

Victoria

Bunnies!!

We haven't moved in to are new house yet because of some problems that the seller still has to take care of.

But that hasn't stopped the dreaming and planing. Or at least for me it hasn't, half of are five acres that are house sits on is woods, and I have already drawn up plans for a really cool tree house.

But my newest idea is rabbits! Yep I am going to get rabbits! Probably some time next spring, I want them now but I need time to research how to take care of them and save money for them. The kind I'm  getting is called "Netherland Dwarf rabbits", from the name you might have guessed that they are smaller that normal bunnies. I like that because I like baby animals and this way they will be almost like baby bunnies there whole life!

And they are soooo cute! They have little ears that stick up and there are so many different colors and they don't eat allot of food because they are smaller. My rabbits are going to be out door rabbits because:

1. I am NOT allowed to have them in the house
2. I don't want them in the house
3. I want my rabbits to be able to be outside in there natural habitat

And since my rabbits are going to be out side I am going to have a rabbit hutch for them. But the pre built one are so expensive  so I am going to look in to building one myself but I still have to see it the cost would be the same as if I bought one. And yes I am paying for all of this the rabbits, the rabbit hutch, food, water bottle, hay, beds, toys, and every thing else my bunny needs

My parents are buying bunnies to raise for food! I hate the idea totally and 100% hate it! But  you know I cant stop them, the only thing I can do is make them promise not to eat my bunny!

One other reason I like the little Netherland Dwarf bunnies is because there small,
and will be easy for small cousins to hold. =)

But yes, my new savings project is going to be for my adorable little Netherland Dwrf bunnies!



Victoria

boxes

It never realy hits you that your moving until the boxes start piling up around your house. 

This is how it is for me. What I said I would fight till my death to keep from happening is going to happen in the next to weeks! I told my dad that I would never move, and now I dare to say I am excited.

But after living in the same house for ten years and then say "kids were moving!" just doesn't cut it. But when you have lived in the same house for ten years and then they say "kids were moving!" and then you see boxes stacking up all around you, well that's like dropping a bomb on someones head!

Yesterday I spent all afternoon packing boxes in my room, and watching Little House On The Prairie (very fun)

 My friends aren't happy with the meaning of the boxes that keep piling up in are home. But I just told them "it's in God's hands. He has a reason for me moving,and all my friends and family to trust that its for the best."

Besides i'm not moving to mars people!

Victoria!

God's beautiful birds

Birds are wonderful and beautiful things. I think they are one of the most beautiful and amazing creatures there are.

My favorite MD bird is the blue jay. They are so majestic and beautiful, with there bright blue wings and back. The black, white, and all the shades of blue that adorns there body.
When ever I go out in my tinny little back yard to bird watch it is always a treat to see a blue jay (one lives around general area) And some days I even see the blue jay's mate. The two of them flying together. I even recognize the blue jay call, it's sort of squawking alarm call. But I don't know the blue jays song (yes there is a difference between the two)

another bird that is a lot more common to my eyes but still quite beautiful. The Cardinal. The Cardinal is
a beautiful red color, and the female a mix of brown and red.

I just recently took up bird watching (kind of dorky but I like it) you get to see bird in there natural state of life.
Flying, eating, resting, pecking at the ground. And if you go out side and close your eyes you can hear all the defiant birds and there call's and sounds.

I can actually communicate with a bird, I can copy the sound it makes, but what's funny is I don't know what bird it is! I only ever hear it, I never have seen it. And now bird watching is one of my new peaceful hobbies, and with my personality I don't have  many of those =)

Victoria

Change

Change is not something I am aquatinted with,I don't little changes I want every thing to be the way they were. That's why I think moving is going to be so hard.

I have never ever liked change, I didn't even like when mom and dad decided to change where the Christmas tree was in are house! I threw a fit about it, but you know what? After they did it I loved it.

God can use Change to well...change people for the better. When I move I will make friends (hopefully) that I never would have made if we hadn't moved . Maybe some one I meet will except Christ because I shared it with them, and maybe they will change my life in some way too.

I am starting to listen to people when they tell me God can use Change to change someone for the better. And I know that my family could never stay in MD, are state is falling apart fast, (some of you may know what I mean and some of you may not) and Maryland is up near the lead. This country is changing, but not for the better.

My family needs to live in a deferent state and I know all the reasons and I agree with them. But that doesn't cushion the blow much.

Yes I do get excited about are new house all of are land and the possibilities it holds. But like I said, I have lived in MD almost my whole life, my roots are in deep, and it's going to be painful to pull them up.

But I will fallow the Lords path, because I know whatever he is doing is for the best.
Victoria

 

Moving

A while back I had a few posts about my parent s thinking about moving, us going to look at houses. Well at the beginning of April we put a offer in on the house. And it got accepted.Yes I now am moving out of the city in the the country a hour and a half away from every thing I have ever known.

I Have spent days crying because I feel like I won't see my friends hardly at all.And there will be other when I am giving myself a pep talk because deep down inside I know we will be coming back every other week to go to are church, I will still be  going to youth events, VBS, and we will come back a lot. My entire family is here almost we couldn't jus t leave them.

It's going to be tough, nothing about moving is going to be easy, not the fiscal or emotional parts of it. It's a new adventure, a change in life, I may not like it at all. But I believe God has put on this adventure, and he will see us through.

Victoria